[原创]咒（cursed） [复制链接]

By 水影
08-12-15
    Now, I can say nothing about myself but a stupid coward, really, I am really a big, big, stupid coward.
    上午，有点心烦，出去转悠，阳光很好，清亮的纯净了自己杂乱的心情。暖人的空明，笼在我一身黑衣上，感受着衣服和身体贪婪吸收它的光华，赶走某个角落里孤独的寒。
世间的事按照原样进行着，有让人欣慰，有让人心碎，一切都是照旧，直到我慢慢跟着节奏走进他的空间。
    A “familiar stranger”. I know, definitely, we are on the same campus, and, also, I know, without doubt, that he is my type. He is tall, mature and kind of cute. All that I can expect from a man.
    We were waiting for the same bus to head back to school, and at the same time, I waited for my chance to get to know him, to be involved in his life. BUT I did nothing, nothing that helped, except occasional eye contact.
    What was I really waiting? A sign? A prophecy? Or what? I don’t know now. Actually, I don’t know what stopped me from stepping forward to introduce myself.
    等车将近十分钟，然后，一前一后登上同一辆公交，三十分钟的路程。明明就在身边，可我怎么都看不见他的心意。挣扎？到底是什么束住自己？静默一路。。。
下车，他在前，我在后，顺着路的引领，各自重新走入自己的时空。懊恼，后悔，整个身体像是顷刻软了。“stupid, stupid, stupid”...“coward, coward, coward”...“shit, shit, shit”脏话都出来了，可什么都不能挽回失去的机会。
    回来愤愤的吃过饭，稍稍平静下心情，脑子却是乱的出奇。想起高中时候，a familiar stranger常常出现在自己身边，他很帅，从他在校门口人群里挣扎着回头看我的一刻，我就已经被深深震撼。说不上哪里来的黑暗记忆，不自信却是这么深的种在心灵的“unconsciousness”。美，成了他的错误。我怕，怕自己牵不住他，所以，尽量的回避，有时甚至拖来同学做掩护。后来，他渐渐淡出自己的视线，不管我怎么搜寻。
    想起来Will & Grace中，Will met someone in the library but didnot muster up the courage to go and start a conversation. When he told Grace what had happened, Grace responded “you are a digrace to your people”. 当时看到这场景，自己笑了，不知道为什么，可能是觉得自己不会那么懦弱。可事实上，自己就是这么懦弱。
    经常抱怨找到一份感情很难，有时甚至觉得自己是被诅咒的，真正的爱情永远不会落到自己身上。现在才知道，不是自己被剥夺了权利，而是自己从来没给过自己尝试的自由。
    “If you doubt, you are out.”
    What does it take to break the curse bestowed with yourself? Liberty of feelings, guaranted by yourself.

     Liberty of feelings, guaranted by yourself.

    中国有句古话，我命由我不由天。
相信水影最终能找到自己的位置。

  另，欣赏水影对意识的把握和表述。能把纯主观的东西控制到这个地步，难能可贵。

引用第1楼楚狂人于2008-12-15 18:27发表的  :     Liberty of feelings, guaranted by yourself.    中国有句古话，我命由我不由天。相信水影最终能找到自己的位置。.......

谢谢。我只会写这类意识流文章，呵呵
别的就拿不出手了：）
文学功底上，我要比阁下逊色很多

过谦了,其实你还有版块里其他几位常客的文章已经行成了别人模仿不了的独特风格，我很羡慕。我现在还是高考作文的档次……

水影哥哥的文章之前我一直有仔细看，但现在我真的抓狂了，学英语！！！

引用第3楼楚狂人于2008-12-15 21:01发表的  :过谦了,其实你还有版块里其他几位常客的文章已经行成了别人模仿不了的独特风格，我很羡慕。我现在还是高考作文的档次……

呵呵，说来不怕你笑话，
我高中的考试文章很少有写好的时候，
绝大多数是反面教材：）

引用第4楼小竹子于2008-12-16 13:10发表的  :水影哥哥的文章之前我一直有仔细看，但现在我真的抓狂了，学英语！！！

小竹子，真的很不好意思，
我比较喜欢语言，觉得不同的语言可以表达它们内在别的语言无法表达的东西，
所以有时候喜欢杂糅进去，
最近抄来一篇英文小文章，供小妹欣赏：

Magic Words
In the very earliest time,
when both people and animals lived on earth,
a person could become an animal if he wanted to
And a animal could become a human being.

Sometimes they were people
and sometimes animals
and there was on differencee.
All spoke the same language.
That was the time when words were like magic.

The human mind had mysterious powers.
A word spoken by chance
might have strange consequeces.
It would suddenly come alive
and what people wanted to happen could
      happen----
all you have to do was say it.

Nobody could explain this:
That's the way it is.

文盲路过