[英语]Joke of Today [复制链接]

Who Is Talking


An army general telephoned to his unit in another place wanting to speak to someone. He said, "Hello!"There was a soldier, playing like a sergeant or something,at the other end of the line. He didn't recognize the voice of the high general commander in chief. He said, "Hello! Are you okay? Are you all right? What's up, doc? We should go out drinking again sometime. All right?

So the general shouts at the top of his voice, "Do you know who are you talking with? Shut up!"

Suddenly, it was quiet for a long time at the other end of the line. Then he asked, "Who is it? Who's speaking?".The General said, "I'm the General, Commander in Chief of your unit."

There was a longer pause, greater silence; and the other end said, "Do you recognize who's speaking to you also?"
The General said, "No, who are you?" The soldier said, "Oh, very lucky for me that you didn't! Good bye!"

More Intelligent in Dreams


When a student failed to solve a math problem in class, he expressed his regret to his teacher.

“I remember solving the problem in my dream last night, but for the time being I’ve forgotten it . What can that mean?”

“It means that you are more intelligent in dreams than when you are awake,” the teacher explained.

God's Child


A preschooler asked his mother, "Mom, tomorrow our teacher is going to ask who my father is. What should I say?" The mother said, "Just tell her that God is your father!"The next day, the boy went to school, and the teacher asked him, "Who is your father?" Scratching his scalp, the boy could not find an answer to the question.

The teacher asked again, "Who is your father?"The child confessed, "I used to think that Mr. Smith was my father. But yesterday my mother told me that I am the son of another person, and I cannot remember his name!"

I understand


Inside the operating room, the patient was very nervous. He said to the doctor, "Doc.,I'm so scared. It's my first operation."

The doctor said, "Yes, yes, I understand exactly how you feel because it's my first, too."

A new clerk was sent to the post office by his boss to mail a big envelope. When he reached the window,the woman behind the counter put the envelope on the scales, weighed it and said, "This is too heavy. You don't have enough stamps on the envelope.You need more stamps."

The clerk scolded and screamed at her: "You idiot, that will make it heavier, won't it?"

The Secret of Long Life


There was an old man about 85 years old in very robust health. Newspaper and television journalists came on his birthday to interview him about the secret of long life.

So he said, "Oh, no problem, I just walk about five miles every day, and then I do some bicycling and swimming whenever I like. But walking is a basic routine in my life; I make it a point to walk five miles a day, every morning."

But one of the journalist was very skeptical, said, "My father also walked five miles every day but he died at fifty."

So the old man said, "Now then, he didn't do it long enough, that's why."